had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
