he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
