I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
