shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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