I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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