Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
