I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
