I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
