...so i touched it.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
