Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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