I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
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