my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
