He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
