i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
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