I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
