She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
