Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
