Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
