You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
