She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
