I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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