maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
