You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
