is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
