Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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