Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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