youre lurking in front of me
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Text me some of your sweat
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
