opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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