I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
