Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
