I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
