i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
