Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
