people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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