bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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