So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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