My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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