I wish life had little blips of pornography
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize