sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize