Have you finally orgasmed yet?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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