Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I just blew my weed a kiss
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
