I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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