i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize