Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I smell like Dick and happiness
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
