chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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