I accidentally had phone sex last night
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
