Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
These tits shall not be calmed
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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