Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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