But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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