Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
