and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I wish life had little blips of pornography
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
