Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
there's paper in my vomit.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
