just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
