i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
