i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
