we have pet lesbian snakes
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
