you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
