Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
