All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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