It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
