There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
