areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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