He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
