yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Mom said you looked used
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
