I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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