____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize