It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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