i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
